Oh, this has taken a long time than I anticipated.
One month of nearly no thought of studying can lead to a lot of introspection.
Not that I didn't have things to study, more like the cool weather made it increasingly difficult to concentrate on math and physics and easier to just lay back comfortably on the sofa and dream.
Have you ever felt that overwhelming feeling of calm?
That peace, that quiet, and then you're suddenly pulled away from it and you don't know what you actually want?
The calm before the storm, really.
I could have sworn a month or so back that my primary aim in life was to become an animator, that I had a well defined path in mind.
But right now, as I think about it all, I'm not so sure.
It's funny when you build up so much stuff in your mind that you actually start living in them.
And then reality is like "Hello buddy, like it or not, that dream of yours isn't gonna happen quite so soon. You got to work for it." and then Whoosh! everything is back to square one.
No progress, nil, nada!
It's just very difficult to find your 'calling' in life.
That one thing you are most interested in, you most desperately wish with all your heart, and then suddenly it isn't that anymore.
We are restless creatures, when one thing loses it's mystical glow, we hop to the next 'big' thing.
Once we've satisfied our own curiosities, we quickly lose interest.
Except that ONE thing...
That one thing that you'll never stop yearning for.
That one thing you'll never replace with anything else.
And in the search of that one thing, maybe all our mistakes are justified...
All that desertion might be excused...
They are justfied, they would be justified, they must be justified, atleast I hope that they are justified.
I don't know, I think so, I hope so.
Introspection is a very strange thing.
It makes you open your eyes to your faults that you once believed were virtues.
It makes you open your eyes to your virtues that you once believed to be faults.
It makes you confused yet clearer than before.
Look at this post for example, the whole thing is a confused mess of words and paragraphs, seemingly making no sense, no connection whatsoever but somehow they make sense. (to me, atleast)
The unconnected paragraphs kind of describe my current state of mind.
So much to think about, but no proper way to express them.
And it's extremely weird that right now words fail to flow, like they were supposed to.
But I will write this out, if not for people reading them, but for my own peace of mind.
My thoughts are not about whether this post will be relatable and pleasing to read.
It is for me to clear out my own cluttered thoughts and memories in the hope that the next year starts on a clean slate.
I am unapologetic if this post didn't meet your expectations.
I wasn't aiming to meet them at all.
PS: I appreciate people who say that I could write about some less serious stuff.
I do know that I would probably interest more people if my posts were humorous.
But the thing is, I don't do much humor writing.
My type of humor is mostly a sort of sarcastic, dry humor that even the most jovial and giggly of persons might find difficult to laugh at.
One month of nearly no thought of studying can lead to a lot of introspection.
Not that I didn't have things to study, more like the cool weather made it increasingly difficult to concentrate on math and physics and easier to just lay back comfortably on the sofa and dream.
Have you ever felt that overwhelming feeling of calm?
That peace, that quiet, and then you're suddenly pulled away from it and you don't know what you actually want?
The calm before the storm, really.
I could have sworn a month or so back that my primary aim in life was to become an animator, that I had a well defined path in mind.
But right now, as I think about it all, I'm not so sure.
It's funny when you build up so much stuff in your mind that you actually start living in them.
And then reality is like "Hello buddy, like it or not, that dream of yours isn't gonna happen quite so soon. You got to work for it." and then Whoosh! everything is back to square one.
No progress, nil, nada!
It's just very difficult to find your 'calling' in life.
That one thing you are most interested in, you most desperately wish with all your heart, and then suddenly it isn't that anymore.
We are restless creatures, when one thing loses it's mystical glow, we hop to the next 'big' thing.
Once we've satisfied our own curiosities, we quickly lose interest.
Except that ONE thing...
That one thing that you'll never stop yearning for.
That one thing you'll never replace with anything else.
And in the search of that one thing, maybe all our mistakes are justified...
All that desertion might be excused...
They are justfied, they would be justified, they must be justified, atleast I hope that they are justified.
I don't know, I think so, I hope so.
Introspection is a very strange thing.
It makes you open your eyes to your faults that you once believed were virtues.
It makes you open your eyes to your virtues that you once believed to be faults.
It makes you confused yet clearer than before.
Look at this post for example, the whole thing is a confused mess of words and paragraphs, seemingly making no sense, no connection whatsoever but somehow they make sense. (to me, atleast)
The unconnected paragraphs kind of describe my current state of mind.
So much to think about, but no proper way to express them.
And it's extremely weird that right now words fail to flow, like they were supposed to.
But I will write this out, if not for people reading them, but for my own peace of mind.
My thoughts are not about whether this post will be relatable and pleasing to read.
It is for me to clear out my own cluttered thoughts and memories in the hope that the next year starts on a clean slate.
I am unapologetic if this post didn't meet your expectations.
I wasn't aiming to meet them at all.
PS: I appreciate people who say that I could write about some less serious stuff.
I do know that I would probably interest more people if my posts were humorous.
But the thing is, I don't do much humor writing.
My type of humor is mostly a sort of sarcastic, dry humor that even the most jovial and giggly of persons might find difficult to laugh at.
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