It's taken a long time for me to write here in my blog.
My only excuse is that I have been too busy.
Sometimes so busy that I fail to understand why I am in such a mess in the first place.
Why am I doing all this?
What am I doing?
What is there to gain here?
What am I learning?
How on earth is any of this helping me, scoring marks not included?
The answer's probably that no one knows and they just go through with this one year of torture just because they have been convinced that that's the way of life.
Oh well, who am I but one insignificant student among lakhs of students who honestly just don't want all this in their life.
Inferiority complex is something I must guess everyone is quite familiar with.
If you aren't, ie. if you haven't felt it before, then thank your stars and count your blessings for my child, you have truly been blessed.
Others, we're not so lucky.
Oh, the pain of wanting to be like someone else.
Of always feeling like there's this invisible scale hanging near your head that constantly measures you and declares you unfit just because you missed the limit by a few millimeters.
Of feeling like you don't belong and that no one will understand all that you're feeling.
Of feeling misunderstood, underappreciated, under respected, and under rated, just the feeling of being somehow lesser than others around you.
This is for you,
You, who is going through darkness and feeling sad and mad and a thousand other negative feelings.
You, who knows that this phase is hampering your work but can't break out of it, trust me I have been there quite a lot in recent times.
You, who thinks that there's no light at the end of the tunnel, don't give up, because while it may be true right now, it won't be always and there will come a time when the light shows itself and you'll be glad you pulled through.
You, who is finding yourself wishing that things were somehow DIFFERENT, that YOU were DIFFERENT.
Almost everyone wishes to be a different person at some stage in their life.
I wish to be a few people who I admire and still feel a bit jealous of.
And I know that I'll never get to be that person, but hey, a dream is a dream and the heart wants what it wants.
You might wish to be that super beautiful girl/ boy in class or outside.
You might wish to be the talented singer/dancer/whatever in class or outside.
You might wish to be that confident lady/man you saw on TV the other day.
You might wish to be anybody that caught your attention because of something they did.
It's basic human nature to pull oneself down from too much hoping because believe it or not, you might hate me for this, but the real world is a cruel place, and not always do you get what you hoped for.
And we are essentially trying to survive in this whole colossal mess that's our society and to survive means to be safe and to be safe means to be content and to be content means to hope less and expect less.
Because when you expect less, and you inevitably get more, you're bound to feel happy.
Take an exam for example,
Today I had a Chemistry exam and when I went there in the morning, I mentally prepared myself to accept the fact that I was going to pass slightly above average, my preparation really went through my head, nothing stuck.
And when I walked out, I knew I had done better than what I had expected to do and that put me at ease and gave me a sort of happiness that cannot be expressed, only felt.
Quite recently, the whole of August to be exact, I went through quite a rough patch filled with insecurities, a sense of depression, repression, feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and rage filled, it was horrible.
And it is taking me quite a lot of my willpower to make myself stop the list here.
And for a time period, it was like only darkness surrounded me.
It reflected on everything I did, quite unintentionally, in my poems, in my conversations with my family, in about everything.
And I had to resort to writing a lot of my frustrations out on paper and also to meet the school counselor and to distract myself by singing till my voice was hoarse.
My relationship with my mom was strained and I could do nothing about anything.
And I did break out of it, I am not completely free from it because insecurities are insecurities, you can fight them and oppose them but never can you make them vanish.
They will continue to exist in a corner of your mind always, the best you can do is accept it as it is and move on.
And that is what I did.
And I noticed an effect almost immediately.
I had an inspiration to write a happy poem.
Those of you who have read my poems before will know that they are slightly emotional, raw and slightly sad.
And well, that was like a sign from above that things are going to be better and it improved my spirits quite well.
And of course I had to write this post to talk about that time in my life because I don't really know just how many of you could be facing a similar situation.
And I wanted to tell people that everything is going to work out just fine and that we all have an infinite capacity for happiness and that it's truly in our hands to decide whether to be happy or not.
And that cliche as it may seem, there's always light at the end of the tunnel, you just need the patience to get through to the other side.
I guess, I'll leave you with that poem I wrote.
It is very basic and simple (don't expect Shakespearean and flowery language, that is NOT my style)
---------------------------------------------
Smile!
Pull the ends of your mouth
Wide enough to touch your ears
Showing all your teeth
Yes, Twinkle your eyes
Furrow your eyebrows
Throw your hair back
Let the warmth fill you up
Let the fuzziness start
And make you gasp for breath
Smile, laugh and giggle
Till your heart's jumping
Till you feel ready to collapse
Let your eyes tear up
And laugh for all you have
Slap someone's arm and
Cover your face in shyness
Jump and do that goofball dance
Oh you magnificent 'high'ness
Forget the worries
Relive the good memories
Rejoice, for you have
Crossed the storm
Written by: Yashasvi Arunkumar, 16 years old
-------------------------------------------------
Have a great life amigos!
My only excuse is that I have been too busy.
Sometimes so busy that I fail to understand why I am in such a mess in the first place.
Why am I doing all this?
What am I doing?
What is there to gain here?
What am I learning?
How on earth is any of this helping me, scoring marks not included?
The answer's probably that no one knows and they just go through with this one year of torture just because they have been convinced that that's the way of life.
Oh well, who am I but one insignificant student among lakhs of students who honestly just don't want all this in their life.
Inferiority complex is something I must guess everyone is quite familiar with.
If you aren't, ie. if you haven't felt it before, then thank your stars and count your blessings for my child, you have truly been blessed.
Others, we're not so lucky.
Oh, the pain of wanting to be like someone else.
Of always feeling like there's this invisible scale hanging near your head that constantly measures you and declares you unfit just because you missed the limit by a few millimeters.
Of feeling like you don't belong and that no one will understand all that you're feeling.
Of feeling misunderstood, underappreciated, under respected, and under rated, just the feeling of being somehow lesser than others around you.
This is for you,
You, who is going through darkness and feeling sad and mad and a thousand other negative feelings.
You, who knows that this phase is hampering your work but can't break out of it, trust me I have been there quite a lot in recent times.
You, who thinks that there's no light at the end of the tunnel, don't give up, because while it may be true right now, it won't be always and there will come a time when the light shows itself and you'll be glad you pulled through.
You, who is finding yourself wishing that things were somehow DIFFERENT, that YOU were DIFFERENT.
Almost everyone wishes to be a different person at some stage in their life.
I wish to be a few people who I admire and still feel a bit jealous of.
And I know that I'll never get to be that person, but hey, a dream is a dream and the heart wants what it wants.
You might wish to be that super beautiful girl/ boy in class or outside.
You might wish to be the talented singer/dancer/whatever in class or outside.
You might wish to be that confident lady/man you saw on TV the other day.
You might wish to be anybody that caught your attention because of something they did.
It's basic human nature to pull oneself down from too much hoping because believe it or not, you might hate me for this, but the real world is a cruel place, and not always do you get what you hoped for.
And we are essentially trying to survive in this whole colossal mess that's our society and to survive means to be safe and to be safe means to be content and to be content means to hope less and expect less.
Because when you expect less, and you inevitably get more, you're bound to feel happy.
Take an exam for example,
Today I had a Chemistry exam and when I went there in the morning, I mentally prepared myself to accept the fact that I was going to pass slightly above average, my preparation really went through my head, nothing stuck.
And when I walked out, I knew I had done better than what I had expected to do and that put me at ease and gave me a sort of happiness that cannot be expressed, only felt.
Quite recently, the whole of August to be exact, I went through quite a rough patch filled with insecurities, a sense of depression, repression, feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and rage filled, it was horrible.
And it is taking me quite a lot of my willpower to make myself stop the list here.
And for a time period, it was like only darkness surrounded me.
It reflected on everything I did, quite unintentionally, in my poems, in my conversations with my family, in about everything.
And I had to resort to writing a lot of my frustrations out on paper and also to meet the school counselor and to distract myself by singing till my voice was hoarse.
My relationship with my mom was strained and I could do nothing about anything.
And I did break out of it, I am not completely free from it because insecurities are insecurities, you can fight them and oppose them but never can you make them vanish.
They will continue to exist in a corner of your mind always, the best you can do is accept it as it is and move on.
And that is what I did.
And I noticed an effect almost immediately.
I had an inspiration to write a happy poem.
Those of you who have read my poems before will know that they are slightly emotional, raw and slightly sad.
And well, that was like a sign from above that things are going to be better and it improved my spirits quite well.
And of course I had to write this post to talk about that time in my life because I don't really know just how many of you could be facing a similar situation.
And I wanted to tell people that everything is going to work out just fine and that we all have an infinite capacity for happiness and that it's truly in our hands to decide whether to be happy or not.
And that cliche as it may seem, there's always light at the end of the tunnel, you just need the patience to get through to the other side.
I guess, I'll leave you with that poem I wrote.
It is very basic and simple (don't expect Shakespearean and flowery language, that is NOT my style)
---------------------------------------------
Smile!
Pull the ends of your mouth
Wide enough to touch your ears
Showing all your teeth
Yes, Twinkle your eyes
Furrow your eyebrows
Throw your hair back
Let the warmth fill you up
Let the fuzziness start
And make you gasp for breath
Smile, laugh and giggle
Till your heart's jumping
Till you feel ready to collapse
Let your eyes tear up
And laugh for all you have
Slap someone's arm and
Cover your face in shyness
Jump and do that goofball dance
Oh you magnificent 'high'ness
Forget the worries
Relive the good memories
Rejoice, for you have
Crossed the storm
Written by: Yashasvi Arunkumar, 16 years old
-------------------------------------------------
Have a great life amigos!
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