Why It's Okay To Be Unseen

Light cannot be seen.
This is a one hundred percent true, scientifically correct, FACT.
You can sense light, perceive it and feel the effects of it, but you CANNOT SEE it.

And you might strongly believe the contrary, because that's what your brain has been trained to think.
That being seen is what makes someone valuable.
And that something like light, which illuminates everything around us and gives us the power of sight, is something that just cannot be unseen.
Because being unseen is wrong and is a tell tale sign that you are unsuccessful, and light is NOT UNSUCCESSFUL.

Because, light is light and without it, we can't quite possibly live.

But the truth is the truth, and the truth is that light cannot be seen and there's nothing you and I can do about it.
Light, though it is unseen, is powerful enough to light up the universe.
It has the power to uplift spirits- the metaphorical light at the end of the tunnel
It gives a sense of security and courage.
It gives one HOPE.
And all this, it does even though it's unseen.

We all have an inner light, a glow that illuminates us in the face of challenges.
A fighting spirit under a bright halo, a beautiful soul just waiting to be set free.
A light that will never diminish even in times of need and darkness.
A light that is unfortunately, always left unseen.

In a world where being seen is of top priority.
Where being successful is the main objective.
Be someone valuable, someone who even though unseen can make a whole lot of a difference.

It's okay if you feel that no one knows of your inner potential.
They don't need to.
Only you need to know your worth and continue making a difference.
And one day, you will realize that it is the unseen people who are the unsung heroes.
The building blocks of the future world.

For all that we might say that we can't see light...
We often forget that we can't see without light either.
And in a world of flashy colors and people, you have to understand, it is the light which makes these visible.
Colors, after all cannot be seen in the dark.

As I tell all this, I have to also confess that this is a relatively new thing that I thought about.
I am a person who comes up with random theories and philosophies at different points of time.
Few of them, I forget almost immediately after I come up with them.
But most of them, I keep on churning around in my head till it solidifies and becomes a personal belief.

And this philosophy, about being unseen is my most favorite one yet.
I like it especially because it gives me comfort.
That, whatever work I am doing, as long as I know of it, it's enough.
That I don't need external validation or recognition right now.

I have gotten over the fact that no one seems to recognize me.
I am content to sit in the background and let the other colors shine.
And I believe that my work, whatever I am doing at the moment will one day make a difference.
And I am willing to wait for it
Because, even though light is the fastest thing in the universe, it still takes 4.243 years to reach Proxima Centauri- our nearest star after the Sun.
(This was a random fun fact. It just felt right to add it here. BTW, if light takes 4.243 years, the distance is 4.243 light years which is approximately 40,000 billion kilometers. See? it is really fast!)
Sorry about that :)

So bring it on, 2017!
I have gone through the worst of 2015 and 2016.
I don't think you'll be more worse.

There are two important thoughts that I want to end this with.

"Once you've hit rock bottom, there is nowhere else to go but up"
Set your rock bottom level to where you are right now.
And start your upward journey, because you can.
And this might seem really fake, but you are worth whatever is at the top.
And all you need to do is put in some work to get there.

"Hakuna Matata- it means no worries, for the rest of your days, it's our problem free philosophy"
There is nothing that is really worth losing your sleep over.
There will be people behind you, telling you about your exams, how you need to work hard and all.
Yes, work hard but not to the point of becoming so stressed and worried that even the smallest of things sets you on the edge and gets you to burst.
There really is nothing, nothing that you should get so worried about.

And also one more thing.
I'm repeating myself from before.

Remember that light is invisible, it is unseen.
And the next time you feel sad or under appreciated or invisible, always remember why you're doing the job.
If you are doing it because you like it, then don't feel like you're invisible.
Feel like you are invincible.
That you are valuable and that you are making a difference, no matter how small or big.

Happy New Year amigos!
Have a great year and hope to be with you all in what is going to be a great upward journey.
No, not upward into Heaven or Hell.

Okay, this is me bidding farewell to this year.
Next year will be better.

"I feel it, in my belly"
- Santa Claus from the movie Rise of the Guardians (2012)

Of Inferiority Complexes and More

It's taken a long time for me to write here in my blog.
My only excuse is that I have been too busy.
Sometimes so busy that I fail to understand why I am in such a mess in the first place.

Why am I doing all this?
What am I doing?
What is there to gain here?
What am I learning?
How on earth is any of this helping me, scoring marks not included?
The answer's probably that no one knows and they just go through with this one year of torture just because they have been convinced that that's the way of life.

Oh well, who am I but one insignificant student among lakhs of students who honestly just don't want all this in their life.

Inferiority complex is something I must guess everyone is quite familiar with.
If you aren't, ie. if you haven't felt it before, then thank your stars and count your blessings for my child, you have truly been blessed.

Others, we're not so lucky.

Oh, the pain of wanting to be like someone else.
Of always feeling like there's this invisible scale hanging near your head that constantly measures you and declares you unfit just because you missed the limit by a few millimeters.
Of feeling like you don't belong and that no one will understand all that you're feeling.
Of feeling misunderstood, underappreciated, under respected, and under rated, just the feeling of being somehow lesser than others around you.

This is for you,
You, who is going through darkness and feeling sad and mad and a thousand other negative feelings.
You, who knows that this phase is hampering your work but can't break out of it, trust me I have been there quite a lot in recent times.
You, who thinks that there's no light at the end of the tunnel, don't give up, because while it may be true right now, it won't be always and there will come a time when the light shows itself and you'll be glad you pulled through.
You, who is finding yourself wishing that things were somehow DIFFERENT, that YOU were DIFFERENT.

Almost everyone wishes to be a different person at some stage in their life.
I wish to be a few people who I admire and still feel a bit jealous of.
And I know that I'll never get to be that person, but hey, a dream is a dream and the heart wants what it wants.

You might wish to be that super beautiful girl/ boy in class or outside.
You might wish to be the talented singer/dancer/whatever in class or outside.
You might wish to be that confident lady/man you saw on TV the other day.
You might wish to be anybody that caught your attention because of something they did.

It's basic human nature to pull oneself down from too much hoping because believe it or not, you might hate me for this, but the real world is a cruel place, and not always do you get what you hoped for.
And we are essentially trying to survive in this whole colossal mess that's our society and to survive means to be safe and to be safe means to be content and to be content means to hope less and expect less.
Because when you expect less, and you inevitably get more, you're bound to feel happy.

Take an exam for example,
Today I had a Chemistry exam and when I went there in the morning, I mentally prepared myself to accept the fact that I was going to pass slightly above average, my preparation really went through my head, nothing stuck.
And when I walked out, I knew I had done better than what I had expected to do and that put me at ease and gave me a sort of happiness that cannot be expressed, only felt.

Quite recently, the whole of August to be exact, I went through quite a rough patch filled with insecurities, a sense of depression, repression, feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and rage filled, it was horrible.
And it is taking me quite a lot of my willpower to make myself stop the list here.
And for a time period, it was like only darkness surrounded me.
It reflected on everything I did, quite unintentionally, in my poems, in my conversations with my family, in about everything.
And I had to resort to writing a lot of my frustrations out on paper and also to meet the school counselor and to distract myself by singing till my voice was hoarse.
My relationship with my mom was strained and I could do nothing about anything.

And I did break out of it, I am not completely free from it because insecurities are insecurities, you can fight them and oppose them but never can you make them vanish.
They will continue to exist in a corner of your mind always, the best you can do is accept it as it is and move on.
And that is what I did.

And I noticed an effect almost immediately.
I had an inspiration to write a happy poem.
Those of you who have read my poems before will know that they are slightly emotional, raw and slightly sad.
And well, that was like a sign from above that things are going to be better and it improved my spirits quite well.

And of course I had to write this post to talk about that time in my life because I don't really know just how many of you could be facing a similar situation.
And I wanted to tell people that everything is going to work out just fine and that we all have an infinite capacity for happiness and that it's truly in our hands to decide whether to be happy or not.
And that cliche as it may seem, there's always light at the end of the tunnel, you just need the patience to get through to the other side.

I guess, I'll leave you with that poem I wrote.
It is very basic and simple (don't expect Shakespearean and flowery language, that is NOT my style)

---------------------------------------------

Smile!
Pull the ends of your mouth
Wide enough to touch your ears
Showing all your teeth
Yes, Twinkle your eyes
Furrow your eyebrows
Throw your hair back

Let the warmth fill you up
Let the fuzziness start
And make you gasp for breath

Smile, laugh and giggle
Till your heart's jumping
Till you feel ready to collapse

Let your eyes tear up
And laugh for all you have
Slap someone's arm and
Cover your face in shyness

Jump and do that goofball dance
Oh you magnificent 'high'ness

Forget the worries
Relive the good memories
Rejoice, for you have
Crossed the storm

Written by: Yashasvi Arunkumar, 16 years old
-------------------------------------------------
Have a great life amigos!

Introspection and a State of Calm

Oh, this has taken a long time than I anticipated.
One month of nearly no thought of studying can lead to a lot of introspection.
Not that I didn't have things to study, more like the cool weather made it increasingly difficult to concentrate on math and physics and easier to just lay back comfortably on the sofa and dream.

Have you ever felt that overwhelming feeling of calm?
That peace, that quiet, and then you're suddenly pulled away from it and you don't know what you actually want?
The calm before the storm, really.

I could have sworn a month or so back that my primary aim in life was to become an animator, that I had a well defined path in mind.
But right now, as I think about it all, I'm not so sure.

It's funny when you build up so much stuff in your mind that you actually start living in them.
And then reality is like "Hello buddy, like it or not, that dream of yours isn't gonna happen quite so soon. You got to work for it." and then Whoosh! everything is back to square one.
No progress, nil, nada!

It's just very difficult to find your 'calling' in life.
That one thing you are most interested in, you most desperately wish with all your heart, and then suddenly it isn't that anymore.
We are restless creatures, when one thing loses it's mystical glow, we hop to the next 'big' thing.
Once we've satisfied our own curiosities, we quickly lose interest.

Except that ONE thing...
That one thing that you'll never stop yearning for.
That one thing you'll never replace with anything else.
And in the search of that one thing, maybe all our mistakes are justified...
All that desertion might be excused...

They are justfied, they would be justified, they must be justified, atleast I hope that they are justified.

I don't know, I think so, I hope so.

Introspection is a very strange thing.
It makes you open your eyes to your faults that you once believed were virtues.
It makes you open your eyes to your virtues that you once believed to be faults.
It makes you confused yet clearer than before.

Look at this post for example, the whole thing is a confused mess of words and paragraphs, seemingly making no sense, no connection whatsoever but somehow they make sense. (to me, atleast)

The unconnected paragraphs kind of describe my current state of mind.
So much to think about, but no proper way to express them.
And it's extremely weird that right now words fail to flow, like they were supposed to.

But I will write this out, if not for people reading them, but for my own peace of mind.

My thoughts are not about whether this post will be relatable and pleasing to read.
It is for me to clear out my own cluttered thoughts and memories in the hope that the next year starts on a clean slate.

I am unapologetic if this post didn't meet your expectations.
I wasn't aiming to meet them at all.

PS: I appreciate people who say that I could write about some less serious stuff.
I do know that I would probably interest more people if my posts were humorous.
But the thing is, I don't do much humor writing.
My type of humor is mostly a sort of sarcastic, dry humor that even the most jovial and giggly of persons might find difficult to laugh at.

The Mind of A Less Than Confident Teenager

I'm not a confident person (even if few people may disagree).

And my life consists of a routine of constant self reassurance that I am going to survive whatever the world decides to dump on me.

That said, confidence never did really come to me easily.

I am shy and I tend to talk too much to hide my discomfort.

And I know that while I talk or give speeches, I am this completely new person.

A person I want to be 24/7. 

Sadly, fate has a brain of it's own.

Any person who is less than confident of their abilities will be able to relate to this feeling.

The feeling when you know the correct answer to something and you don't open your mouth.

You are hyperventilating just before an exam starts about how you forgot everything.

You constantly doubt about yourself and whether you'll be good enough.

You send a text to someone and when they don't reply, you constantly worry if they thought of you badly.

I have a name for these type of people (me, included). 

Less than confident people...

 

They need others to have confidence in them more than themselves.

And if they ever learn that someone lost their confidence in them, it reduces their self worth even more below from where it was.

Sadly, no one knows the internal dilemma these people face. 

They do come across as being extremely needy, someone who just has to get the approval of everyone else.

What others don't realize is, for these people the approval of others matter the most.

Only if they get that do they approve of themselves.

And this is harmful, to them.

These people constantly find themselves reassuring others that the others are great, in the hope that the kind words will get reciprocated.

But it doesn't get reciprocated most of the time and this does lead them to re-evaluate themselves and the re-evaluation results are much worse than before.

For them, everything is a test. 

Everything that happens in their life is a test to find out their true qualities, their true nature, their true capabilities, a test to let them prove themselves worthy of where they are stationed in life.

Everything happens for a reason and everything they do reflects the complex nature of their hearts.

They believe in equality and recognition for hard work.

And because of their less confident nature, find themselves not recognized.

But they'll take the blame on themselves saying that they didn't work hard enough.

They just did not have the confidence.

These people dream of a day when someone will come along and look at them for them and recognize their efforts.

For them, each day is a new day to wait for that knight in shining armour. Knight being both female and male, no gender disparity there.

They constantly have a new person to get approval from, it could be a teacher, a family member, a school mate, a close friend, or anybody. 

Sometimes it can also be from someone they just met while travelling or while they went to some place.

The life of a less than confident teenager is complex.

A person who is naturally confident and has the brains, looks and self- belief can never understand the simple struggle of deciding whether what they did was right or wrong.

Self doubt forms an integral part of the life of these less than confident people. 

Less than confident teenager was just a phrase I made up.

Shy would have been the correct name, but the type of people I am talking about rarely come up as shy. 

They are confident but not confident.

They are sure yet unsure.

They are needy yet independent.

They want approval yet they don't care (or so they make you think).

They are the very essence of contradictory thoughts. 

Some might even go as far to say, they have split personality disorder.

You know in all those cartoons, say T&J (Tom and Jerry, in case you didn't know), Tom has these two mini toms coming on his shoulder now and then. 

The calm, shy one and the reckless, confident one. 

These two personalities make up the character of a less than confident person.

The calm, shy one is there most of the time but the confident one comes up in the most worst of times, thereby resulting in humiliation and thereby pushing the person back to their calm shy personality. 

Well, it's not like this is a disease or something, but it can sometimes seriously hamper your productivity.

And this is where the routine I mentioned first, comes into the picture.

Reassuring yourself everyday that you're worth it and that you're a survivor is not going to magically increase your confidence.

No, not happening.

But it will slowly make you less doubtful about yourself.

Yeah, granted you're not going to become fully confident, but hey, this is your personality.

You are maintaining your own personality, you are just ensuring that it doesn't affect you, productivity wise.

Take a few minutes everyday after you wake up to tell yourself that this day is going to be great.

That you survived the previous day, why not today too?

That you are worth it and that the decisions you took the day before are perfectly fine, not something to be ashamed of.

Convince yourself that everything that's happened in your life have made you a better person.

Granted, a week down the lane, you might not feel that much of a difference, but a month later, you will.

I tell this because I've done it, I am doing it and I'll continue to do it.

Who doesn't like to give themselves a pat on the shoulder? 

Have a great life amigos! 

Dealing With the Bullying

It has happened to you.

It has happened to me.

It's happened to anyone you see who has completed schooling in a school (as in, not home- schooled).

And as much as we'd like to say that we got out of it like a boss with zero tears shed, we all know the truth.

Guy or girl, we've all shed tears over bullying.

Age 3 or age 17, we've all seen bullying.

It could have started off as a small comment among close friends at the age of three, that became a full fledged hate war at the age of sixteen.

And believe it or not, they make interesting story- lines for well, stories, movies, etc etc.

It could have started because you couldn't catch up in studies with the rest of the class.

It could have started because you sucked, big time, at sports.

It could have started because you still acted like a kid at the age of 14 (which is if you ask me, still the age of a kid. One can never fully become an adult.).

It could have started because you looked different than the others, and I mean it color wise, body wise, mind wise, clothing wise, etc etc.

It could have started because you behaved horribly to a group of people, who then decided to make your life living hell as revenge (though this is most likely to be seen in overly dramatized and traumatizing teenage movies, one of the millions that are available in YouTube. Not that I saw any of them, no.)

Ok, you got me, I did watch one of those movies which did get me thinking about this.

But I just didn't tell you that, so CTRL+A+DEL.

I have faced bullying at the tender age of 10/11/12. 

I'd like to say that the three years were a learning curve that led me to understand more about myself.

But the truth is, I was a full time cry baby who once cried because in 2012, some idiot made up a rumor that the world was going to get destroyed.

And no, that didn't happen because here I am in 2016 talking so boldly.

At that age when everyone was so naturally awkward around each other, the best escape route was bullying.

And the poor old victims, ie. myself, came out wiser, braver and ultimately better.

No offense to the others though.

How did I come out?

Well, it was fairly simple. 

I stood up for myself, made weird, funny faces at them and yes, I just spoke out.

And it stopped, it did.

If anyone were to look at me now, they can't believe that this blabbering, bumbling, babbling baboon was actually a very quiet person who rarely opened her mouth outside her house.

That's the whole thing about bullying.

It quiets you down and makes you insecure and lose your self esteem.

It tests your patience.

It goes on and on.

And trust me, even though people might say that being quiet is the best way to handle it, it's all smooth sailing unless one of the bullies crosses the line too much.

And then it's a full on fight.

And it's not pleasant to look at.

Standing up for yourself is the best thing one can do.

Believe in yourself and if what they say gets to you, just turn around, make weird faces at them in front of them and behind them and the things they say become a huge colossal joke instead of an insult.

I should know. 

Once my mother 'innocently' commented that my face was one day going to get permanently set in one of the many weird faces I have perfected till date.

It never fails to creep me out, especially after I read this Enid Blyton short story about the same.

So yeah, perfect that nonsensical look, turn to them, give them the weirdest face you can muster and they'll be so weirded out that they won't trouble you again.

And yeah, if that doesn't work, just turn around and don't care what they say.

Few years from now, you could be a CEO and they could be selling fries at McDonald's.

You never know.

Well, maybe I've become a bad influence...

Nah, what I say is a one hundred percent working formula to deal with bullying.

Just be yourself, be comfortable and if they cross the line, go fight them back.

Otherwise just forget them.

Dogs bark at the sun, but does the sun bark back at the dogs? (Weird analogy, I know)

Be the sun, immortal, bright and a never ending source of energy.

Let the dogs come and go. their barking isn't going to stop you from shining.

Dealing with bullying is much easier than you'd expect.

Get yourself a person who'd listen, patiently, to your ranting.

In my case, I was extremely lucky to have my mom and grandma.

Go to that person with whatever that troubles you.

Yeah, they can't solve your problems for you, that's for you to figure out on your own.

But they can help you get a clearer mind and any weight is easier to bear if two people carry it.

Go put on that killer smile and have your weird face ready at hand.

Don't let their words and action disturb you, instead have a good laugh at it.

So yeah, enjoy life!!

Oh yeah, before I end this post.
I was extremely surprised and glad today when I saw that this blog has crossed 1000 page views.
You might think that it's not that much, but it means the world to me.
Thank you, each and every one of you for this huge huge honor.
I'm really grateful :).

Till later amigos.

PS: You might have wondered why I say amigos after almost every post...

I am a huge fan of Dora The Explorer. I can't help it. When I grew old enough to stop watching it, my brother was the age of watching it. So there. I am quite sheepish about it, but cartoons are the only good thing to have ever come on TV. That's a fact.

Learning to Say Good Bye

It's funny now that I see it, that my 13th post is the one I'm writing after my biggest test.
I'm currently on a train, going to my grandma's house to hopefully enjoy my last few days of freedom.
Oh wait, results are yet to come...

How to deal with the exam pressure?
Buddy, if I had known that myself, I wouldn't have spent a better part of my available studying time crying to my mom over FaceTime. [I've mentally resolved myself that it's not going to happen ever again]

But, I have learnt one thing, how to say goodbye.

Goodbye, eleventh standard! (Good Riddance!)
Goodbye, getting full marks in any subject! (Boohoo! Nah, not really)
Goodbye, free days because believe it or not, I am in twelfth now.
La Twelfth, the big year, the year where it's all work and no play (apparently so)...
Goodbye, to all the worries that troubled me this past one year.
The coming year is new, untested and exciting.

It's very difficult to say goodbye to the good things in life.
We get attached to them and when it's time to say bye, we end up getting hurt.
We are all basically creatures of habit.
Testing the unknown simultaneously excites and terrifies us.
And we try our level best to keep things under our control, and when it doesn't happen that way, it depresses us and pushes us to tears that sometimes are just not worth shedding.

This comes after reading so much about this year's really tough CBSE Mathematics paper.
When a person puts in so much work only for it to go waste, it is something completely heartbreaking and when it's your future that's getting the brunt of the impact, it is downright depressing and demotivating.

I can't claim to have had previous experience in these kind of issues.
I'm no expert, I am yet to go through all that emotional trauma (and a small selfish part of me hopes that I never ever go through anything traumatic, ever in my life).

But one thing that I know is really important to go through with life.
Learning to say goodbye.
Learning to say goodbye to all the previous bad experiences.
Learning to say goodbye to few people.
Learning to say goodbye to dreams and aspirations that went bad.
And learning to use that goodbye as a crutch to pull yourself up.

Really, saying goodbye is so many things at the same time.
Confusing, traumatic, tough, easy, complicated, troubling, bad, good, inspiring and a lot more.
But, you will be much better off without the weight of your previous mistakes on your shoulders.
Only, if you get the courage to say good bye.

Throw them out of the window.
Bid them a hearty goodbye.
Look at what to do next.
Get to the next step.

All your mistakes might define you now, but once you've rubbed your slate clean, what you write again is what defines you.
Learn from the mistakes, but don't carry them forward.
Some things are meant to be forgotten and are better when left behind.
Learn to say goodbye.

I know this one is completely not my usual way of writing.
But the amount of suicide comments, etc etc really triggered something in me.

This one is for all those students out there, who feel like life has ended because of a few bad experiences.

This is just a temporary turbulence in your flight.
Don't let it crash your plane.
There are so many things out there in the world.
Your marks don't define you.
And when you've had a really bad day, think of those who could've had worse.

If you would die just for marks, what about all those people in warring countries who fight to live even when their whole country wants them to die?
This isn't the end of the road.
There's still so much to do, to live, to see, to enjoy and appreciate.

I hope you understand this.
Don't let anything and anybody drive you to destroy yourself.
It'll destroy not only you, but the whole spirit of your family, friends and even the country.

I don't know what else to say, I really don't.

Regrets... I've Had Them, You've Had Them, Who Hasn't??

Regrets... Ever had them?
Wrong question to ask...
Of course, you would have had them.

"NOOOO!!! I ticked the correct answer and then changed it last minute..."
"I could have given my name for that competition, I would have done a lot better..."
"Why did I lash out at my mom for my own problems?"

Needless to say, there's a steady flow of regrets in everyone's lives.
You regret doing a few stuff, you regret saying some stuff and sometimes you might even regret ever being born...
No, it's completely true, trust me.

Here's what I want to say.
I had gone to this camp for two days.
My only thoughts before going? To have the least number of regrets when I get back.

Needless to say, that worked out pretty well because I generally knew what I would regret and I tried to make sure I didn't do the same mistakes again.
But then, not everyone would probably have as much as time as me to go into self- discovery mode.
And all you unfortunate souls would regret stuff for the rest of your life.

Living regret-free is as possible as travelling at the speed of light.
You can't blame me for these science references, a close friend is a bit of science freak.
Her name is Sanjana and you can look up her blog by clicking the link at the end of the post.

Now we've come to the conclusion that living regret- free is err... IMPOSSIBLE!

No one can ever claim that they've led a regret- free life.
Even the biggest paragons of virtue will have some regret, I mean it.
And because we are all far from that category, we have to have some regrets.

I regret not being close with a lot of my previous close friends turned ex- close friends turned acquaintances turned strangers.
I regret cutting my hair to shoulder length and I regret wearing that same faded pant and shirt everyday in my house.
I'm pretty sure you don't want me to go on and on because I sure have a huge list of regrets.

Let's talk about some common regrets that I feel almost everyone might have.
If you have them too, then I'd be glad to know that I'm not some crazy weirdo to have all these regrets when no one else does.

REGRET NUMBER 1:
Making that horrible decision during a test to correct your correct answer to a wrong one just because your so- called Know-It-All friend got that answer.

"Did you get 45 as the answer?"
"No, I got 142 as the answer. I did this sum already while practicing for the test so I know this is the correct answer."
"Ok, 142 it is."

"The correct answer is 45! Why did I even trust you??"

REGRET NUMBER 2:
Committing a huge fashion blunder and driving people around you to consider suicide.

"I cut my hair! Whoosh! See!"
"MY EYES!!! I'M BLIND!!!KILL ME NOW!!"

REGRET NUMBER 3:
Making that joke in a group expecting people to laugh but no one does and you're feeling the awkwardness.

"And the the next leg to land on the moon was also Neil Armstrong's! You get it?"
"..........."
"HA! HA! Ha! ha? ha........"

REGRET NUMBER 4:
Getting the small popcorn at the beginning of the movie thinking it'll be enough for you and finishing it even before the intermission and feeling extremely sad that you didn't buy a large.

REGRET NUMBER 5:
Figuring out an answer in class but not answering for fear that it might be wrong and half an hour later another kid yells out the same answer and gets the praise.

'I found it out half an hour ago, you filthy little mudblood!'

REGRET NUMBER 6:
Making that movie/book/TV series reference that no one gets and you regret not bringing your best friend with you then.

"Who are you? You're a girl! Get it? It's that line from Baahubali! OK, never mind. I wish my best friend was here!"

REGRET NUMBER 7:
Planning on finishing all your work but then wasting the day doing meaningless stuff and regretting having to do a lot of work the next day.

REGRET NUMBER 8:
Making awesome plans but ending up cancelling them because you forgot you had a class that day.

Well, maybe I could go on and on, but I guess, I'll probably kill you all.

But I'll just tell you this...
Live life as it comes.
If you want to do something, do it without fearing about what will happen next.
Worst case scenario, you fail.
But, the experience will be worth it, if all those quotes by famous people are to be believed.

Phew!
I'd been wanting to write about this for a while now and I just got the time to finally complete the draft and post it.
Well, I've completed 12 posts now.
I know that it isn't a milestone like 10th or 50th or 100th but, considering that 12 is technically a huge part of our life considering the fact that it is half a day, etc etc.

So, I'm glad I made it.
For those people who've always been a good support to me and my writing, a huge thank you.
You guys are a huge part of my life just like 12 is a huge part of a day.
Now that the cheesiness is over, have a great life!

Till then,
Bye Amigos!

PS: Here's the link to my friend's blog
Sanjana's Blog

Maybe I'm Not The Person You Think I Am

So, this is going to be a more of a "letting my feelings out" kind of post.
If you don't want to know about me, then please go back to whatever you were doing before.
If you do want to know about me, then read on.

My grandfather doesn't want me to write.
He thinks I'm wasting my time.
He asks me what is the use of writing a blog and letting other people read it.
He asks me what I'd do if people who read my blog misuse my content or my account.
He worries that I'll get into trouble and mess up.
He doesn't want to try read my blog.

My dad has never read anything I've ever wrote and he doesn't understand what a blog means.
I mean, he obviously cares for me but just not in the way I expect him to.
My dream dad would have been the first to read my blog posts and comment to me that I was doing a great job.
But my dad thinks that I'm using someone else's (Blogger by Google) web space for free without paying for my own web space to have my own website.

My grandma tries to read my stuff but she doesn't know English that well or rather she isn't that confident of her own English comprehending skills.

My mom is busy with her own set of problems about managing on her own in UK.
Besides, she also has a very important exam coming up and she doesn't have the time to read what I write.

I guess that's why I like to share my blog link in FaceBook.
So that more people will see my blog and that atleast one of them would come back to me and say "Good job, bud".

I don't know if the fact that I crave for some sort of recognition for my writing makes me a bad person.
All I know is that I want someone to think that what I write isn't a whole pile of bullshit and that it actually helps someone feel better.

Till now, I've never understood if people are just scared to talk to me or if it's just an excuse to NOT talk to me.
I don't know if I'm actually an irritating and unpleasant person or if it's just the way I'm projected to be.
I don't know how I write.
I don't know if what I do makes sense to others.
I don't know anything about things that I've never gone through and I constantly worry whether it makes me a bad and selfish person.

I've never been great in anything.
There was always someone better, more improvised and more liked.
This is both family wise and school wise.

The day my brother was born was the day I started what has grown to be a huge inferiority complex.
I don't resent my brother, no not at all.
In fact, I love him a lot because that's just the type of person he is.
Anyone who meets him, likes him and I am no different.
That day in the hospital when he held my tiny finger in his even tinier hand, I knew that I'd love him even if others don't.
But then, everyone did love him, just a lot lot more than I could ever expect to be loved.

If this wasn't enough, I soon realised another thing.
Everyone I knew in school had suddenly grown up while I still held on to my childhood dreams and innocence.
Everyone seemed to think that maybe I wasn't really needed anymore.
Therein started my huge desire to get recognised and to inspire a lot of people.

I didn't have any noticeable features and traits.
I was just another person in the whole school.
I had friends, I spoke to them but never went beyond making lame jokes.
In fact, this is the first time I'm actually confessing my feelings to someone or rather everyone.

I started to get comfortable there when the next realisation came, I had to move.
My carefree life had ended and in came 11th with it's own share of problems and chaos.
All the things I'd thought I was comfortable with became uncomfortable.
The people I considered my closest friends became just another page in my slam book and journal.

Before you decide that this post is a sob story, I have to tell you one thing.
I did have my fun.
I got selected as the Assistant Secretary of my school's Interact Club and I was Ok, maybe this thing wouldn't be so bad.

I wasn't wrong. I had my own things to do.
I started writing again.
I am quite happy.

Yes, there are people who are way better than me in many things.
There are people who are way less than me in many things.
There are people without whom I can't live (my mom, my grandma and my brother and in some way my grandfather and dad too).

Maybe just maybe, I would get to live that life.
Maybe one day, I'd get recognised.
Maybe one day, I'll inspire lots of people and do something good to the world.
Maybe one day, I'll find that being me was the best way to make someone love me and care for me.
Maybe one day, I'll look back to this post and think about how it came to be.

Till that one day, I'll be waiting.

Sometimes with a frown, sometimes with a smile
Sometimes with tears that can be seen from a mile.
I'll be waiting for that one day.

Because, that's what we all do best.