Harassment- Keep Watching For More

Hey guys,

It has been so long since I posted.

But college has been simultaneously so hectic and exhilarating and time just went by so quickly.

This post is actually a personal essay I wrote for one of my classes.

Seeing the recent #metoo campaign, I decided to publish the essay here.
This is something personal to me but I believe that this conversation has to start somewhere.
And I am glad to do my bit to get it going.

We are all social creatures. Whether we like it or not, society does influence our thoughts and beliefs to a large extent and I am no exception. But one experience completely changed not just one belief of mine, but instead my whole perspective on an issue very pertinent in today’s world. I was harassed in broad daylight inside an MTC bus in Chennai, one of the safest cities for women in India.

The day I was harassed, I was travelling by an MTC bus to meet up with few of my friends. I was wearing a long and loose Kurti and leggings. My harasser was a man who looked to be around my father’s age. He continuously stared at me, sometimes having to look past people in his line of sight. I glared back at first and after a stare off, he turned away. But that did not stop him for his staring continued. I tried to ignore him but his staring did not stop. I was lucky because the woman sitting next to me noticed this. When she had to get down, she took me with her to the backseat and informed the bus conductor. When my stop neared, I stood up only to find out that he had taken his phone out and was trying to take pictures of me. I broke down. I was in tears when I told the conductor of this, all the while hating myself for feeling so vulnerable. The conductor shouted at him and I realised that there were many in the bus who were willing to come to my aid. They made sure he did not get down at my spot and I all but ran from the stop to my destination (which was around a kilometre from there). I could breathe freely only after I was a safe distance away.

I always believed myself to be a strong and bold young woman; I believed that women who could not fight back against harassment were people who did not believe the same of themselves. I was wrong. When the incident happened to me, I was paralysed. I knew I had to walk quite a distance to reach my destination. If he had followed me and had tried anything, I would have been helpless. I hated feeling vulnerable, but there was nothing I could do. All the bravery I thought I had, seemed to have vanished. Was I really a strong and bold young woman? I was, but that did not help me at that moment.

I used to believe that women who were harassed were mostly those who wore ‘modern’ clothes and were physically attractive. I never voiced it for fear of people misunderstanding me. I did not think that women who were harassed were ‘asking for it’ but I felt that their clothes played a part in how people viewed them. Now there was nothing modern or western about my clothes, but that did not stop my harasser. It made me question what society had me believe all these years. Do the clothes of the victim really play a role? I did not find it to be the case.

I used to believe that the physical appearance of the harasser played a role in the fear the woman felt. If he was not as physically threatening, the woman would be bolder. My harasser was an older man. In any other time and circumstance, I would not have felt threatened by him. But that did not stop me from feeling afraid when the incident happened. Does the appearance of the harasser matter? I do not think so. Once a power dynamic is established, the victim feels helpless regardless of the appearance of the harasser.

I believed that the public would victim shame me. I thought I would be faced with humiliating questions. “How do you know he is staring at you? Were you staring at him?”. I thought that they would not come to help me. And in this regard, I was surprised. They were extremely supportive. From the woman sitting next to me, to the conductor, to the other passengers, everyone was so supportive! They made me feel safer and less threatened. Is the public really that cruel and unsympathetic? I do not think so.

I used to consider these as seemingly ‘harmless’ forms of harassment. I was wrong. More severe cases do exist. But that does not invalidate the fact that this is harassment too and it comes with its own trauma. I, a frequent traveller by bus did not use public transport for weeks.

Do you think that I am making a mountain out of a molehill? Would you argue that not only women face these problems? My response to you will be this: we are all dealing with the same hell, just different devils. 

This essay is in no way a representation of all the different forms of harassment prevalent across the country and the world.

It is a menace and it is about time we started recognising it and calling out people for their actions.

Silence is not going to achieve anything.

It is time we started using our voice so that at least the future generations can live in a safer, supportive world.

Have a great life Amigos.

And don't forget to use that voice.